If you’re caring for an aging parent from afar, you’re not alone. Approximately 34 million Americans assist an older relative, with about 15% doing so from at least an hour away. The average long-distance caregiver lives roughly 450 miles from the parent they support. Successfully managing this responsibility requires a deliberate plan and a reliable local network near your parent’s home.
During your visits
Visits are your best opportunity to address issues difficult to assess or resolve remotely. This might include installing grab bars and nonslip surfaces in the shower, throwing away outdated food items, and reviewing bank and credit card statements. Make sure your parent has reliable access to food and medical care by researching available resources, including Medicare and Medicaid benefits. Discuss their support needs openly and, if possible, schedule doctors’ appointments during your visit to meet the caregivers who live nearby.
Also pay attention to their mood. Spend some unhurried time together that isn’t focused on caregiving tasks. Take notice of how they feel over a meal, on a walk, or while running an errand. Those low-key moments often provide the best insight into your parent’s true well-being. The goal is to confirm they are not depressed or isolated and are content with their living situation.
Remote support
You can also connect your parent with local services: providers who deliver prepared meals, transportation for appointments and activities, and monitoring systems that track needs, respond to emergencies, and alert you to problems. Trusted neighbors, friends, or community and religious organizations can sometimes share these responsibilities. Alternatively, you might hire a geriatric care manager to develop and oversee a care plan. Establish local emergency contacts, so help is readily available if something goes wrong.
Gather contact information for your parent’s healthcare providers, confirm they can meet your parent’s medical needs, and check in with them regularly to stay updated on any changes. Maintain a running list of medications, diagnoses, and insurance coverage. Ask your parent for written permission to communicate with their medical team.
Legal and financial affairs
You’ll also need to know where important legal and financial documents are, as managing money becomes more challenging with age. Note the details of any lawyer who regularly assists your parent. You might also ask whether they have an estate plan, a durable power of attorney, and a healthcare agent.
If your parent appears to need help managing their finances, including investment accounts, or creating legal documents, establish a financial management plan.
Enlist help
You cannot manage everything alone, especially from a distance. Inform family, friends and neighbors how to reach you, and maintain open communication through video calls, group chats and shared calendars. You may even be able to join your parent’s telehealth visits.
Share responsibilities with other relatives by taking turns visiting, handling chores, checking in by phone and contributing to services such as weekly housekeeping. If your parent’s needs change, be prepared to explore new options — such as assisted living or in-home care — with their healthcare providers and an elder law attorney. Again, a geriatric care manager can assess your parent’s needs and coordinate appropriate services.
We have lots of resources for caregivers on our website. Read our helpful guide for caregivers here: https://mackaydressler.com/resources/elder-law/caregiver/
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